30 days of truth- Day 3

Day 3-  Something you have to forgive yourself for.

  Wow, there are so many things that I beat myself up for. Only one really came to mind and stuck. NO JUDGING, if you do not agree with what I am about to tell you, Please do not tell me.
When I was 16, my boyfriend and I (now my husband) got pregnant. We were in NO place to have a baby, I didn't have a job, he was working for his dad. I was living with my mom and grandfather at the time, NO WAY, could I have had that baby. First of all, my dad would have literally killed me, my family would have disowned me. Not pretty. I love my family, I never wanted to disappoint them. it just happened. Now keep in mind, we were having protected sex, and I was on birth control.

  Come to find out, something failed. So, there I was, stuck. What should I do? My mom asked me if we were having sex, of course I said NO, and then stupid me had to tell her a week later I was prego. That sucked! HAHA. I did not tell him. I know, horrible. But I felt it was my decision, my choice, my body. Besides, who knew what he was going to say, and I didn't wanna hear it. So, off to the clinic I went. I received some counseling, and some meds. You can see where this is going. For those of you who care, I was literally 3 weeks prego when I did this. And to be 100% honest, I was fine with the decision I had made. It was hard, especailly for a 16 year old, and for one who has always wanted a family. Just not then.

   I fought with myself back and forth over this whole mess. It was heart-breaking and brutal. And you cannot judge someone, about something they did, until you have been in their shoes. I just want to say that never again would I do this, I now know, all children are children of God. The pain was unspeakable. I told him that I had to have it done b/c it was in my tubes. He felt awful, but relieved, I believe. But to this day, I still wonder sometimes, what if. And don't worry, he foudn out the truth, and we didn't speak for a couple days. But, knowing what all I have been through now, there's NO WAY, I could have gone through that with a child. But that is another story.